The deepest sorrow I have ever felt

I fucked up... really bad. Barney Inada died early Monday morning of a heart attack.

It was preventable, Barney complained of chest pains starting @ 9:00 Sunday night. Dale and I kept giving him aspirin and put him to bed @ 11:00pm.

At 3:30am Monday morning Barney tried to get out of bed holding his chest. He collapsed in my arms and I staring CPR immediately. I was doing it really poorly, I panic and did a very bad job.

Barney was essentially a child, a sweet, gentle and loving being. In a lot of ways I was closer to Barney then to Dale.

The shame and guilt I have from NOT calling 911 sooner will be with me the rest of my life. I failed Barney when he needed me most.

I am scum.